Honestly, I don’t feel as if anything would change, however, I feel as if everything would change. I suffer from a personality disorder, where I often feel like a different person every day. My self-identity has always been a challenge, the number of times I’ve “changed” sexualities or wanted to go by a different name or thought about changing my gender is astronomical. I look back and think that’s crazy. I love being a woman. I love girlhood. I love talking with my girls and doing girly things. Whatever that means to me. Which I think girly things mean something different to everyone, and that’s beautiful. If I were a man, I would still like women. So that wouldn’t change. My job, coaching girls’ gymnastics would be very different, I wouldn’t have the same bond as I do with my girls, they’re like my best friends, my children and I don’t want to ever give that up. Although I would probably make more money working there if I was a man. I feel as if it would not impact many other areas of my life, I only have a few close friends and I commute to school, not in any clubs or teams anymore. So, nothing like that would be affected. I guess what I’m feeling is that I would still be me on the inside, I would like everything just the way I like it now, I would have the same friends and job.
The only thing that would change would be people’s perception of me. The way I would be treated. Being bisexual, well if I were to change my sexuality in either way, I would be happy. That’s why liking all genders is a beautiful thing, I appreciate everyone for their beauty. I do tend to lean towards men which is often criticized in the LGBTQ community, often facing regards such as “you’re not bi if you’re dating a man” which is terrible, anyone should be able to identify how they want while liking or dating whoever they want. However, if I were straight, I would feel like I lost a big part of my identity, my struggle with coming to the conclusion of my sexuality is part of who I am, and I have done a lot of work to love who I am no matter who she is. It might be strange to say but, I feel closer to myself with everything I’ve gone through. I am my best friend, my biggest support, the person I love the most. I’m always there for myself, and I’ve built that up through lots of struggles and self-hatred. If I lost one of those big struggles I might not be where I am now, and in the place I am now. Maybe I’d be better off, but maybe not.
