I think my gender identity as a woman is the strongest aspect of my identity. Gender is one of the first things people notice or try to understand when they see a person whether they mean to or not. Everyone wants to automatically put people in boxes. I think it has definitely played a big role in shaping me into who I am today. I am proud to be a woman. I think women have such beauty and uniqueness to them. We are magical and can literally grow new generations inside of us. I feel like I always try to gravitate toward other women as I feel more comfortable around them. I feel like other women automatically understand my experiences better than others.
I think that my identity as a woman has also pitted me against men a bit. What I mean by that is I feel like I automatically mistrust men that are new to me unless I have a specific reason not to be (ex. They’re a friend of a friend) but even then I have my doubts. My experiences as a woman have taught me to be apprehensive of men because I just feel like I don’t really know their motives. I couldn’t even count out how many times men have made me uncomfortable, and it’s been in many different kinds of settings. It happens most prominently while I am at work as a server.
I get hit on a lot and it’s a situation where I can’t really do much about it except try and keep my distance and get them out as quickly as possible. The other option is play into it and hope that they tip me more money. That method is recommended by many of my coworkers, and it often works. It’s kind of sad that that’s how it is, and I haven’t really played into the flirtatiousness of men at work because it just makes me feel uncomfortable, almost like they’re looking through my clothes. I feel exposed, naked. I wish people (specifically men) would tip based on service or the kindness of their heart, not because they think they’re going to get somewhere with me. The experiences of being a woman are beautiful, horrible, upsetting, uplifting, all over the place.
Another prominent aspect of my personality is my class. I grew up and still live in a trailer park and it has had lasting effects on me, good and bad. I think it’s hard to separate these aspects because together they have led to a lot of struggle which has in turn made me stronger. I could probably write a book about all my experiences but I guess these writings will have to suffice, I don’t think I am a very good writer honestly. I don’t think I look poor. I mean people who aren’t poor have this perception of what poor people should look like. Old hand me down clothes, bad hygiene, not conventionally attractive, just negative stuff. I have always found ways to make sure that I don’t “look poor” because I know what people think. I know the judgments that come with hearing what neighborhood I live in. I remember as a kid some moms didn’t really want me coming to hang out with their kids because of it. I think especially as a server a lot of my coworkers are also poor women and I feel like I have a sense of community with them.
