Growing up in a mixed liberal and conservative household, it was a challenge to learn where I fall and how I identify, especially as a developing young adult. There was confusion around how my immigrant parents practice the preservation of their extremely different Middle-Eastern cultures, while battling assimilation in their new homes in the States. They also knew that it was extremely hard to move up in society, because at the time many people did not view diversity as an asset to the work environment, and being immigrants whose first language is Arabic, created a multitude of barriers they did not have much autonomy to work past. Additionally, women are less than encouraged to attend college, open businesses, and run companies in many Middle-Eastern cultures, all of which my mom did.
I believe this realization and this extreme pressure to assimilate took a choke hold on both of them, and I believe this domestic situation caused a lot of turmoil and conflict in our house- not only were my parents battling with their own identity and gender roles and expectations and different views of family form, but they now had four little humans to raise who were growing more and more curious about their own identities, cultures, and family histories.
For example, my mother believed that me and my three younger siblings should be allowed to attend the Mosque every Friday, celebrate Ramadan and Eid, and also engage in the Chaldean-Catholic practices of my father, which included Christmas, Easter, etc. She also tended to lean towards a more liberal viewpoint about family diversity. She hoped that experiencing both religions, which were staples of the cultures they both came from, we would be able to decide which aligns with our personal views, beliefs, and morals as young adults and gain the tools to practice the one we choose. Additionally, she encouraged us to be very independent, go to college, and only get married and have kids if that’s something we wanted.
On the other hand, my father believed this way of life would be too confusing and we wouldn’t be accepted into the American society, or our cultural communities, since both communities are very conservative when it comes to religion and lifestyles. He argued that we should only follow one religion and practice one culture’s traditions, that we should be able to identify with one group, for a more structured lifestyle and childhood. He also believed that we should not attend college, and desire to get married after we graduate high school. Well, they were never very good at agreeing with one another, and this is just one example of how their views on raising a family clashed many times growing up.
Their marriage didn’t last long, unsurprisingly due to their extremely different views about raising a family, marriage, religion, culture, etc. Growing up, I realized that it left many lasting impacts on my beliefs about religion and what I hope for my future family. What I hadn’t realized when I was younger is the impact it had on my beliefs about roles and expectations for women and men in marriage, my social location in family form, and my hopes for myself in the future. Personally, I hope to be the breadwinner of my family, and I would never want to become economically dependent on my husband. I think I would strive for a more liberal or progressive viewpoint on family diversity. Not only for security for my family, but I’ve always wanted to be invested in my career and become financially successful.
Although, the reading says that it is most efficient for women to get married, I disagree with that. In my mom’s situation I saw the ways that she had to financially support my dad before and after their divorce, even though she took care of her 4 children! From a more conservative viewpoint of marriage, I would not want to be a single-parent if I could prevent that, or live in separate households. I know that there are many developmental effects of divorce on children and mental, psychological, and physical health impacts. I understand the “American family” forms and favorability, but I think it works differently for multicultural and immigrant families.
