I’m not sure what my first memories of gender are, I have only been around those who identify as women most of my life. I have a brother and a father, both of whom have traits that a lot would consider inherently feminine. I feel as if because I am a woman I am expected to be quiet, well-behaved, clean, seen, and not heard. I do not follow these rules, especially if I feel as if they are expected of me. I would say I have a few traits that were sort of taught to me as I grew up that stick with each gender. Boys have short hair, girls have long hair, and things like that. However, I have sort of shifted from those ideas in recent times and sort of just see people as people. Or at least I try to.
I honestly do not go out much. Most of my adventures are online or one-on-one. Therefore, I am unaware of some of the etiquette and how to act in public. I feel as if gender sort of makes this worse. I am not allowed to say certain things to men. What pronouns do I use for someone if I don’t know their preferred ones? It all feels complicated, so I often ignore the issue altogether. One question I wanted to dive into was the one about sexuality. How would my life change? It wouldn’t be that I am already very involved in the LGBTQ community. I have 3 siblings. ¾ of us (all 3 girls) Identify as either lesbian or bisexual. Therefore, I have never known anything different. I never realized how so many people think it’s wrong for a woman to love another woman. I didn’t realize people were getting hated because of this. Not until I started college at 15 and made friends who go to public high schools. Even then, all my friends are LGBTQ in some way. It’s like we’re in this safe little bubble, people might try to throw harsh words at us but we won’t hear them because this is normal for us, they’re the crazy ones. However, as I grow and learn and explore beyond that bubble, the fact that those harsh words can penetrate the bubble is evident.
It’s hard when I have to worry about holding a girl’s hand in public or telling a guy I’m with that I also like girls, I am always so scared that they will get angry and take it out on me, this has happened before. If not angry they go on to sexualize women loving women into something that’s not about love and only about sex. It gets old very quickly, the number of times a man has asked if I wanted to partake in a threesome after I mentioned I was bisexual is astronomical. I’ve stopped telling anyone at this point. I often feel as if my identity as a bisexual woman must be hidden in front of men, not all men. However, a lot of them. I can talk about hardships I face because of this; however, I am not free of judgments, I also see people with very strong opinions or maybe with some pronouns that are very different from typical ones, and I might pass some judgment I don’t try to, it’s just hard when things don’t fit your expectations.
I like to see it this way, I think anyone has the right to judge someone however they want. Love them hate them I don’t care. However, it’s when you start hating that person and making it known that it becomes an issue. I might judge, however, I do it in silence and try to reflect upon my thoughts as I have them. I feel as if keeping an open mind and trying your best to support someone based on the qualities you agree with, whatever those may be can help us all see each other as human, and hopefully stop hurting one another based on our genders and sexuality.
Another point I think is interesting is the hatred within each gender, now I’m not sure how many there are. That’s a difficult question. Every fiber of what I was told when I grew up tells me two. And it’s very hard to break away from that and I might not want to however, I will always respect someone’s pronouns, even if I don’t agree with them. I want everyone to feel comfortable and happy so if calling them by what they ask helps, I’m all for it. Anyway, I think many women pray for the downfall of other women, and the same with men. It is not a boys vs girls thing when it comes to gender inequality like some may think, women can create difficulties for women and men for men, if inequality is something we want to solve, we must take that into account.
