A few weeks ago, I was arguing with my brother about our upbringing, and I indicated that he could not understand my side. He found this foolish, explaining that we had basically identical childhoods. This claim was taken back when I explained how girlhood and womanhood made mine harder.
When getting dressed, I feel pressure to look good without trying too hard or wearing clothes that are “revealing.” I cannot remember an age where my body shape was not commented on, so eating has always been more about that than survival. My weight has fluctuated a lot. I started going to the gym a lot last year and lost over 70 pounds. In doing so, I literally felt the male gaze shift from hatred to sexualization. The men who knew me when I was bigger and “hated” me for being “annoying” suddenly didn’t. I will hear from guys I have been talking to know that they are surprised to find out I am funny, which I used to have to use to draw them in. Men open doors for me, start conversations, smile at me, and treat me with much more respect than before. Even my guy friends are suddenly closer to me and like me better.
I find this complicated, as I think we are all guilty of having biases and inherently treating people better when we find them attractive. I will admit it is likely that I instinctively cater to men I find attractive. However, I do not think men’s value in society is nearly as dependent on looks or sexual attraction as women. Generally speaking, women will still befriend, listen to, and respect a man they are not attracted to in the slightest. I know from experience how differently men treat women based on attraction in every setting, and it has honestly been devastating.
