If I were a biological male, I would definitely have different expectations for myself, not only in my family but in this society. I would be expected to participate in sports, to act tough, to do manual labor, to not be too “sensitive” or show vulnerability. I wouldn’t be expected to cook and clean as much (if at all) as I do now, as a woman. I am unsure if my family would treat me differently than my brother if I were also a man. My brother has autism and thus couldn’t be taught the same way as I anyway, but if I were to retain my personality (which I would argue is shaped by interactions with the environment as well as people, not only unique/inherited temperament—thus retaining my personality as a woman, then as a man would be debatable considering the environments I would be subject to as a man), I would think that I’d be given more thorough instruction on how to behave or be scolded on how I am not acting “as a man should.” I am generally skittish and considerate and think that those are traits that bring you lower on the male hierarchy (not that a man cannot be those things).
I feel like there is a trade-off for those things, if you are a man and are vulnerable openly as well as empathetic, you need to be very confident and secure, likewise if not, a man is usually insecure and aggressive (this is what I’ve personally observed). I think my behavior as a woman is expected (to be “submissive” and kind, unintimidating or competitive, intelligent and sweet) but as a man, it might be unbecoming or “unmanly.” I would need to change or repress myself to fit in to the norm (potentially developing mental illness, which often goes untreated in men statistically I believe) or challenge it by embracing myself. Though, which the prevalence of violence in males lives, I may be subject to such if I were a man.
At least, I would feel comfortable walking alone, or sitting alone, or being in public in general. I wouldn’t have a fear of older men or men in general due to unwanted looks, touches, or words (I do acknowledge that that happens to men too). I wouldn’t have to question the character design choices in video games, women are often sexualized and it shows in clothing, whereas with men (I believe) there is more variability in design; however, I definitely am subjected to ideas of toxic masculinity, which I’ve already mentioned, there seems to be a standardized body type, though it doesn’t seem as unrealistic as women’s (that may be a bias of mine: I am aware of different muscle tones and capacity to build them, but in general, I think a 6 pack is more achievable with healthy exercise than a completely flat stomach, big breasts, small waist, and wide hips.
There’s also not often women in video games that I’ve seen who have skin abnormalities like scarring, discoloration, hair, or acne, unlike men). While I don’t know if I would be influenced the same by such body stereotypes, I think I would be treated differently by my family. I would be teased when I compliment women, when I have female friends, and asked to “get girls numbers,” hangout by pools, etc. I see this with my brother, my dad and other men in his life are constantly pressuring him to find a girlfriend (not considering if he even wants one) and is praised for it.
Unlike women who are often shamed for seeking out a relationship “too young” or “too often” for better or worse. Though we are all pushed into that heteronormative gender binary young; someone has a female best friend as a man and they hangout often, and are asked “Are you too dating?” Hell, you can walk in the same direction, without holding hands or anything, and get asked that. I believe men take on a mental toll within the patriarchy, women often get the brunt of physical violence, on the other hand, men perpetuate violence and women take on heavy mental loads as caretakers it seems. I think in our society, men get more excuses. It’s “he didn’t do that, she was asking for it” or “he would never, your exaggerating.”
Then there’s if I was of a different sexuality, currently, I would consider myself Pan. If I was a gay man, of course I would face discrimination, as all in the LGBTQ+ community face. If I were straight, bada-bing, I’m set. As a white man, I would have the greatest set up for success, though with my middle class association, it’s not as if it’s perfect. I would like to think, if I had my knowledge now, as a man, I would treat others right. I see so many men treating their wives, girlfriends, daughters, unwell and if I were them, I would be doing better. We all should strive to do better. That highlights the unfortunately reality we face with our gender norms.
