I think the two biggest factors of my identity are my gender and sexuality. I just love being a woman. What it means to me, and I love loving everyone and getting to express that. When I was little, I used to be a tomboy as people would call it. I hated pink and I liked boys’ things and sports and very masculine things. I think because I grew up in a house with only boys and because my older sister already claimed being pink and girly I felt as if I couldn’t fit into that place.
I’ve struggled with my personality in regard to my gender for a while. If I 5 years ago saw me today, I would not believe my eyes. Seeing myself wearing pink and putting on makeup every day. Knowing I love to dress up and do my hair. Seeing myself spend time on my appearance and enjoying going shopping, I would never have thought this was where I ended up. I love girly things, well the things I interpret as girly. I know it’s different for everyone and I think that’s beautiful. However, for me lip-gloss and bracelets, and pink things make me feel girly and pretty. I used to rarely feel pretty. I would just put my hair up and not try with clothes or makeup or any of it. I feel like through my womanhood I can finally express myself. And the best part is I’m still learning how to do that.
I am still growing and changing and developing my style as a person and it’s beautiful that we all get to do that. Maybe in five years I will look back at myself and be so confused as to why I did what I’m doing. Maybe my whole personality will change, however I’m ready for that change. I think a lot of people see me for my gender. I mean I dress stereotypically “girly” I wear makeup, bracelets, things like that. And, generally, I believe that’s what most people see first. I know I act differently when someone I perceive as a boy versus someone I perceive as a girl sits next to me. Maybe that’s because I haven’t been around many men in my life, until the last few years. Being homeschooled and on an all-girls team. So, I am just not quite sure how to act. I feel as if I treat them the same way, maybe not.
I will call men in my life (romantic or platonic) girly, bestie, pretty, and things such as that. So, I feel as if gender not only impacts who I am but how I act around other people. My best friend is my favorite person ever I feel as if we would not be friends if we were not both females. There’s a kind of bond that I feel with her that is because we have so many shared experiences being women. We can talk about boys and girls and parents and friends from our point of view because it is practically the same. I am so lucky to have found someone who is so much like me in all the best ways, and being women has only strengthened the bond I have with her.
